1. Drunk man: I slept with your mother!
Kid: Shut up Dad, you’re drunk!
2. Drunk picks up a pineapple: I know you're in there Spongebob!
3. Drunk: I love you guys.
4. Police officer: Sir have you been drinking tonight?
Drunk: No occifer.
Police officer: Papers?
Drunk: Scissors, I win!
5. Drunk: Why does this vodka taste like water now?
6. Drunk: I am going to prove to you I'm not drunk by having another beer.
7. Police officer: Did you know you were weaving?
Drunk: Weaving? I don't even knit!
8. Drunk: Hey, do you like think that fish know that they're wet?
9. Drunk: Take me drunk, I'm home
10. Drunk: I think I am going to throw up!
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