Top 10 types at the gym

Anyone who works out on a regular basis at gym surely spends many hours people-watching while pumping iron.

The most noticeable types are these:

1. The Maggot Gagger
This type is reserved for Men only - us guys somehow can conjure up the most horrid smells, but some more than others. The smell can ward away the women  - it has the same effect as garlic to vampires. Not cool - these okes need to be escorted into a special room at the gym and hosed down.

2. The Compensating For Something blokes
These are the peeps who travel in packs of 3-5. Their sole idea of gyming is to lift the heaviest weight possible whilst their friends gaze at them, bewildered. These are the okes if asked about the correct lifting technique, would answer: "What's that?"

3. Mrs Cougar
These are the female type who are at gym only because they are on the prowl for fresh meat. Don't get me wrong...they look freaking fantastic albeit most of them is pretty much plastic and they have been nipped and tucked to death.

4. The Diva
This spring chicken is yet to experience the wrath of ageing. She is somewhat ethereal, you could swear you hear angels singing when she walks by. She "gyms" for about 15 mins - nothing too strenous as she must not break into a sweat...soiling her expensive gym clothes is not happening. Not to mention, ruining her makeup is a No-No! She does not make eye contact with anyone, and tunes everyone out with her ipod.

5. The Screamers
These are the guys who sound like they are giving birth when they are doing their routine.

6. The TMI guys
These guys were so much spandex you'd swear they had shares in the product. With this gym outfit, no imagination is necessary. This is wrong in so many ways!

7. The Tsunami
This guy shows up already sweaty to the gym - not to be confused with The Maggot Gagger.

8. The Wife Beater
This is the guy wearing a snug, white, ribbed tank top a la Kevin Federline.

9. The Beef Cakes
These guys are all about bulk. Their muscles even have muscles!

10. The Just Shut the Hell Up Already-er
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If they spent as much time working their muscles as they did their jaws, then they’d be huge.

Sourced from askmen.com

Top 10 tongue twisters

1. Swan swam over the sea, Swim, swan, swim! Swan swam back again Well swum, swan!

2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

3. She sells sea shells by the sea shore. The shells she sells are surely seashells. So if she sells shells on the seashore, I'm sure she sells seashore shells.

4. A big black bug bit a big black bear and made the big black bear bleed blood.

5. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers? If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

6. A Tudor who tooted a flute tried to tutor two tooters to toot.Said the two to their tutor, "Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to toot?"

7. Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep. The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south. These sheep shouldn't sleep in a shack; sheep should sleep in a shed.

8. The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

9. Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, which made Soar sore.

10. Betty Botter had some butter, "But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter-- that would make my batter better."

Top 10 celebs and their strange phobias

1. Billie Bob Thorton – Panophobia, fear of antique furniture. The actor told Oprah Winfrey: "Maybe it’s a past-life thing and I got beat to death with some old chair. I don’t really know. But anyway … I’m totally serious. And I can’t eat around antiques.”

2. Alfred Hitchcock – Ovophobia, fear of eggs. The director’s assistant once said: “He hates eggs.”

3. Marilyn Monroe – Agoraphobia, fear of public or open places. This seems to be a strange phobia for an actress, but hey, another blond bombshell, Kim Basinger, had the very same fear.

4. Natalie Wood – Aquaphobia, fear of water. When she was young, she had to cross a bridge in a movie scene. It was set to collapse but her mother lied to her and said it was safe.

5. Johnny Depp – Clourophobia, fear or clowns. Depp once told the media: “Something about the painted face, the fake smile. There always seemed to be a darkness lurking just under the surface, a potential for real evil.”

6. John Madden – Aerophobia, fear of flying. This sports announcer makes sure he travels by road rather than air all the time. 

7. Christina Ricci – Botanophobia, fear of indoor houseplants. Ricci explains: “They are dirty. If I have to touch one, after already being repulsed by the fact that there is a plant indoors, then it just freaks me out.”

8. Madonna – Brontophobia, fear of thunder. The singer should never come to Johannesburg in the summer, those thunderstorms will leave her scarred for life! 

9. Howard Hughes – Mysophobia, fear of germs. So bad was his fear that he once wore tissue boxes on his feet to protect them from germs. 

10. Sigmund Freud – Siderodromophobia, fear of train travel. On a train journey he saw gas jets for the first time and said it looked like souls burning in hell.

Top 10 Ways for Characters to Survive Horror Movies

1. Do not try to reveal the face behind a killer's mask.

2. If your car breaks down during the night, do not go to any nearby house looking for help. Call a friend and wait in the car.

3. Never ever hide in your cupboard.

4. Do not say: "Who's there?"

5. If you have seemingly killed your stalker/monster/alien/demon, never go back to see if it is really dead.

6. Do not read out loud from a demon/devil/spirit summoning book, even if you are just kidding around.

7. If the lights go out, do not go down into your basement.

8. Do not go near graves, tombs, crypts, mausoleums and any other place that houses the dead.

9. If appliances go on by themselves, you hear footsteps and doors start to open in your house - it is time to relocate!

10. Do not keep all your kitchen knives in one of those wooden, block holders. Chances are, you will end up on the wrong end of it.

Top 10 Tweets about uses for a Blackberry when services are down

1. #usesofaBlackberry Device for phoning people and receiving phone calls. Sorry, that's stupid. No-one uses cellphones for that - by Deep Fried Man 

2. #UsesOfaBlackberry Ice hockey puck - by Miriam Mannak

3. #usesofablackberry keeping anger management councellors in business - by Devon Pharazyn

4. #UsesOfaBlackberry Fridgemagnet - by  Dj Protege

5. #usesofaBlackberry toyphone - by Kutlwano Makgwa

6. #usesofablackberry .. Store in the fruit basket...lol back to em old days where blackberry's where just fruits and nun else... - by Ick_Seshoka

7. Something to throw at people when the vodka runs out. #usesofaBlackberry - by Sheri Lee

8. #UsesOfABlackberry, an oversized calculator turned it into a #dumbphone - by Sibusiso Magnificent

9. #usesofablackberry ... Watch. Camera. MP3 Player. Paper-weight. Door stopper. Coaster. Something to fill up your bag. A rock. :P - by IJustSmile:)

10. Reminds you what the 90's were like #usesofaBlackberry - by Sandiswa Memela

Top 10 inventions we should have had by now

1. Time machines: Ah, we can think of many a Pandora’s Box that could be opened, or reopened... Where would we start?

2. Anti-gravity mechanisms: It’s not fair that only astronauts get to have all the fun. Imagine how useful this would be in a bar? No more stumbling and making an idiot of yourself.

3. Hologram images from TV: This would be awesome on so many levels, but imagine the sport!

4. Laser weapons (ahem, light sabers): Two words – Luke Skywalker

5. Android robots: Okay, we're getting closer, but we still don't have ones we can interact with, à la Kitt from Knight Rider.

6. Teleportation gadget: We could all say “Beam me up, Scotty” and see the world in a matter of hours.

7. Flying cars:  Think Harry Potter. Think Speed Racer. Think open spaces and no speed limits.

8. Personal flying jet packs: No more hassling with airport security. Have toenail clippers will travel.

9. Memory Eraser Machine: We all have something we want to forget, or something we want our better halves to forget, much like from Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. Now, what were we saying again?

10. Hoverboards: Surfing on air? Hello! We could all be as cool as Michael J Fox in his Back to the Future movies.

Top 10 quotes from Julius Malema

1. July 2008: During President Zuma’s rape trial, Malema said Zuma would lead the country from prison if he was arrested.

2. September 2008: In lobbying for Jacob Zuma to become president: "Any force in our way we will eliminate. We are on a mission here. We will crush you. It doesn't matter who you are, even if you are in the ANC."

3. January 2009: Commenting on the woman who accused Jacob Zuma of rape: "When a woman didn't enjoy it, she leaves early in the morning. Those who had a nice time will wait until the sun comes out, request breakfast and ask for taxi money."

4. February 2009: In response to a dispute Minister Naledi Pandor was dealing with at the Tshwane University of Technology, Malema said she should “use her fake American accent to address our problems".

5. February 2009: He refuses to a public debate with his Democratic Alliance (DA) counterpart Khume Ramulifho, saying he will not discuss anything with "Helen Zille's garden boys".

6. May 2009: After DA leader Helen Zille took control of the Western Cape province, Malema calls her a “racist little girl” and says, “Zille has appointed an all male cabinet of useless people, the majority of whom are her boyfriends and concubines so that she can continue to sleep around with them, yet she claims to have the moral authority to question our President.”

7. October 2009: During the prosecution of police National Commissioner Jackie Selebi: “ In Jackie Selebi they want to prove a point they failed to prove in Zuma: that we [Africans] are corrupt, we like easy money, we like alcohol, we like women and we've got no skill."

8. April 2010: During a press conference, he kicks out BBC journalist Jonah Fisher, calling him a “bastard and a bloody agent".

9. April 2011: Malema calls on South Africans to vote so that Nelson Mandela remains healthy. "President Mandela is sick and you don't want to contribute to a worsening condition of Mandela by not voting ANC. President Mandela will never endure if the ANC is out of power."

10. August 2011: During a speech at the University of Johannesburg: “"Mandela was not released by De Klerk. Mandela was released by South Africa. De Klerk remains the enemy... We don't need De Klerk as a role model.”